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[NAMELY TONY STARK MAKING OUT WITH SOME MYSTERIOUS DUDE. HOLY SHIT]

[ AND HOW. WHOEVER MIGHT THIS DUDE BE? ]

[who cares. it's a hot dude]

[ I CARE. Captain America cares. ]

— Tony!

[jumps on in a way that looks totally genuine and not at all rehearsed]

What?!

[ narrows his eyes, but he looks more bewildered than anything, almost like he expects you to be an upstanding gentleman. ]

What the hell do you think you're doing?

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[WHOA STARK, WHOA.

. . . just. watching. and chomping on this bag of potato chips he found.]

[welcome to Avengers comedy hour. Will be with you in a sec]

[MUNCHMUNCHMUNCHMUNCH.]

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[WANDERING DOWN TO THE LAB.]

Okay, okay, what the hell is it I'm s'pposed to see down here, huh?

[the door is open, there's loud music playing, a claw-robot rolling around holding a broom, and Tony is playing with a holographic table. Welcome to the century]

................................................

[what the.]

[and then there's that disembodied voice coming from the ceiling or something]

Good afternoon, Mr. Barnes.

[which makes Tony look up from what he's doing]

Huh?

...................................

Jarvis, music. [music is magically turned down to sane levels]

... you coming in or?

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[ someone's following Bucky in not too long after, dog in tow. ]

[showing Bucky his super cool fully functional holo-table]

[ sitting down on a stool to watch. ]

[I totally referred to Jarvis as the voice on the ceiling, you ruin everything. steps back and lets Bucky be in awe of all the magic]

Is he having more trouble with the century or with you not being skinny?

Not too much of either, but both more than he lets on.

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[ knocking tonight. ]

[BUT WE'RE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE!!1

The door opens on its own. It's automatic now and Jarvis is a bad, bad butler who doesn't warn Tony about it.

there's loud music from hell and Tony is working on painting his new suit]

[ NOPE I TAKE MY BFFLS VERY SERIOUSLY.

Steve comes over and sits down in front of him and the suit. ]

Mute.

[pulls the safety glasses off and points at him with the spray gun he's using]

What do you want? I'm busy.

To talk. I'm sorry.